I Fouwned The Moist Miss Speiled 4um On The InterTOOB!!!

I was browsing around VICE bright and early this morning when I stopped to read this article on the Flat Earth Society. It’s an interview and it’s pretty interesting. Among the things I learned this morning: The Sun and Moon are each a mere 32 miles in diameter and float about 2,500 miles above us. That little morsel of information alone was worth my time!

The Flat Earth Society is something that I’ve long assumed that, in its modern incarnations, is simply a joke. You know … some frat boys maybe having a good time. I thought basically that it was an elaborate troll. Having read a bit about them this morning, I’m now convinced they are dead serious. That takes them from the “funny hah hah” category to the “funny bat-shit crazy stupid” category.

In my thirst for anti-knowledge, I found two different Flat Earth Society internet forums. They’re set up almost identically and I had to toggle back and forth between them awhile to make sure that one wasn’t merely a mirror site of the other. The two sites are:

  1. http://theflatearthsociety.org/forum/
  2. http://forum.tfes.org/

The two forums do appear to be different, but it’s a little unclear since the VICE article mixes them up. VICE refers to that first link up there as the Flat Earth Society and refers to the second link as “their online forum.” That could simply be sloppy journalism, which is kind of unfortunate since I don’t usually think of VICE as sloppy.

Neither of the two forums will win an award for outstanding grammar or spelling, but that second link up their may damn well be the most horrifically misspelled forum in internet history. A couple of examples from the forum topic “Unipolar, bipolar, disc, square, infinite plane?” follow.

A poster asks a question:

Ok, EJ. Your idea sounds rather interesting. Now, I have a map of a Bipolar Earth on my computer. & the one weakness I see with it is that you can’t circumnavigate the world @ the Equator. But in real life, a plane can. How does your theory account for this?

EJ (Excelsior John) responds as follows:

The map isent totaley corec and needs some workin out. But ether way gravitey keeps you in the circuler direction that fools people into thinking the earth is round. But again the map stil needs some workin out and I wish to do so on my own time 🙂 its kinda like how mercater maps are technicley wrong

The same poster, apparently oblivious of the fact that the guy he’s communicating with doesn’t seem very bright, asks nineteen-year-old “Excelsior John” another question:

Ok. Let me ask another question. How do FEers explain the movement of stars? For example, Columbus could tell approximate clock time from the Guards of the North Star. The Little Bear or Little Dipper swings around Polaris once every 24 hours sidereal time. Star movement w/ a round, moving Earth I get, but w/ a flat, stationary one?

Apparently it took Excelsior John a while to answer this question because he begins with an apology: “Sorey I took so long I was grounded” (Remember: He’s 19 years old). He then goes on to answer the question:

Well round earthism teches that the galaxey has a galatic center wich me agres with. However I do not beleive that some mithicel black hole is in the center I beleive the earth is. Thus all the soler sistims of the galaxey revolve above the earth

The entire forum reads this way!

This entry was posted in Humor & Rants, Science and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to I Fouwned The Moist Miss Speiled 4um On The InterTOOB!!!

  1. Terrifying. I actually had to move Fox News on my “List of Adverse Reactions to Sleeping Through Science Class.”

    Any group that proclaims “we base our reflection on …an alternative to science” has me throwing up my hands and declaring, “I”m out.” (See: religion) Science hinges completely on sensory observation because we’re humans. With senses. These senses don’t “prevail over scientific theory,” they inspire it. If we didn’t have eyes, ears, touch, taste, and smell, we wouldn’t be able to experience the material world around us and ignite our curiosity to explore it. With science.

    And if we didn’t have a brain to crunch our data…well, I think we’ve seen a pretty good demonstration of that, already.

  2. Michael Corelone says:

    Little EJ didn’t do well on his homework.

    • The fact that the modern “Flat Earth Society” isn’t simply a joke is rather frightening. It’s amazing how many organizations that seem to exist for the sole purpose of maximizing their potential for stupidity.

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