I dunno man … eating shitty pork at the Iowa State Fair must be important. Every four years here in the US, our presidential hopefuls head to the Fair and make sure plenty of photos are taken of them touching the meat, tasting the meat, smiling with the meat…
Here’s Hillary strutting around like she owns the place with her slab of pork and fancy lemonade.
Next is Jeb, who’s running on the “I’m not stupid like my brother” platform. Look at him cringe! You know he’s only doing it because he saw Hillary bite hers.
Here is Huckabee faking it. Note that both he and Jeb are wearing pork-server aprons. Is the irony of politicians serving pork lost on these people or what?
The Donald looks like he’s about to orgasm as he kisses that
ass slab of pork. By the way, why is he wearing a hat? I mean, he’s got great hair!
Jeb “I’m not a dumbass like my brother” Bush throws down the gauntlet in front of Hillary and chokes down a goddamn deep-fried Snickers bar. He looks to be near tears. Poor guy.
Hillary is not impressed with Jeb’s mad Snickers-eating skills. But wait … there are bite marks on her pork chop now! She must have handed it off to an aid when nobody was looking. “Make this shit look like I’ve been eating it. I’m too busy looking all concerned and stuff.”
Here’s The Donald again …
Michele Bachmann isn’t running this time around. She just showed up for the corndogs.
Rick Perry is also not running this time around. But back in 2011, he demonstrated at the same Iowa State Fair the proper way to blow a [corn] dog. [Update: A Canadian guy pointed out that Perry actually has thrown his hat into the ring this time around. He sure as fuck is being low-key about it though.]
Probably the only reason Mitt Romney isn’t running this time around is the thought of having to choke down more Iowa State Fair pork.
See … Obama had his Iowa State Fair pork too! It’s a goddamn rite of passage! But at least he got to be President. All Bachmann, Perry, and Romney got out of it was indigestion.