Author Archives: ZombieSymmetry

Is Anyone Even Awake At NASA?

What is wrong with this picture? That is the cartoon created by NASA/JPL showing the trajectory of asteroid 2014 RC as it makes its close approach to Earth on September 7, 2014 (i.e. this Sunday). Click the link there to … Continue reading

Posted in Science | Tagged | 2 Comments

Cure For Everything Now Patented!

Got a bat-shit crazy idea? Do you tend to ramble incoherently? Then you need write a patent! No worries — the US patent office will accept anything, no matter how crazy it is. Case in point: US Patent No. 8,609,158 … Continue reading

Posted in Humor & Rants, Science | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

A Glimmer of Human Sedition

Doug cradled his coffee cup in his numb fingers as he warmed his weary bones beside the fire. Far to the east, a dome of light illuminated the night sky: The city from which they had fled, where electricity and heat … Continue reading

Posted in Science Fiction | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

It’s Not Ebola, I Swear!

“Oh … my … God!” The rather sexy, bikini-clad woman in the hammock looked down at the glob of goo that had dribbled out of my mouth and then back up to me. “Are you like dying or something?” It … Continue reading

Posted in General Fiction | Tagged , , , , , | 24 Comments

I Fouwned The Moist Miss Speiled 4um On The InterTOOB!!!

I was browsing around VICE bright and early this morning when I stopped to read this article on the Flat Earth Society. It’s an interview and it’s pretty interesting. Among the things I learned this morning: The Sun and Moon … Continue reading

Posted in Humor & Rants, Science | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Navigate Off Road

“Turn right and continue for two miles.” Bud eyed the dashboard suspiciously. “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” “Recalculating,” purred the strangely erotic feminine voice of the truck. “In zero point three miles, turn left.” “Left?” asked Bud. “I thought … Continue reading

Posted in General Fiction | Tagged , , , , , | 27 Comments

Invasive Species: Postdocs On A NAKKID Beach

There is a place that devours overly curious postdocs in much the same way that a Venus flytrap devours bugs. It deposits its postdoc victims on a nude beach from which there is seemingly no escape. This is the story … Continue reading

Posted in All The Good Stuff, Anecdotes | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Kahlúa Says: No Gingerbread for YOU!

Kahlúa responded today to an email query from me regarding this years holiday “limited edition” flavors. Thank you for your feedback Rob! Unfortunately, US won’t relaunch gingerbread this year but some stores might have some left. There will be peppermint mocha and … Continue reading

Posted in Humor & Rants | Tagged , | 1 Comment

The Grangers

Brian Bruso had been laying in his hammock, minding his own business and watching the surf come in, when the newsfeed on his augment displayed a video of some chick getting the shit kicked out of her. His decision to … Continue reading

Posted in All The Good Stuff, Science Fiction | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Collecting Time

“Well? Whaddya think?” “It’s … nice. But honey … can’t you collect snowglobes? Or music boxes or stamps?” “I prefer to collect that which can’t be collected: Time, history, moments.” “Hourglasses!” she said. “You can collect hourglasses! Like the sands … Continue reading

Posted in General Fiction | Tagged , , , , | 27 Comments

The Creeping Slime Mold That Is Spam

Last month, I posted a short story called Sputnik The Alien Spambot. It’s kind of a weird story about an alien probe that lands on Earth and has a bit of a problem with spam. Anyway, it turns out that Sputnik The … Continue reading

Posted in Humor & Rants | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Back In The Day: My HIGHLY LETHAL Latin Class Projects

Yet another asinine “zero tolerance” story caught my eye this morning: A kid in Georgia was suspended for bringing a Nerf gun to school. Fucking hell. Some of the stuff I did when I was a kid back in the … Continue reading

Posted in All The Good Stuff, Anecdotes, Science | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Who DOESN’T Have A Neighborhood Atomic Bomb Crater?

Sixty-nine years ago today, an atomic bomb codenamed Little Boy was dropped on Hiroshima. It was a U-235 device and is one of the only two (so far) nuclear bombs ever used in war. The other is of course the plutonium-based Fat … Continue reading

Posted in All The Good Stuff, Anecdotes | Tagged | 3 Comments

What the Hell is THAT?

This is my third week participating in Friday Fictioneers — something I started to do as a way to prod myself into writing more. It helps, and it’s a bit of fun. I’m not quite used to the idea of being … Continue reading

Posted in General Fiction | Tagged , , , , , | 21 Comments

The Trail’s End

This short film popped up in my reader feed the other day and I can’t stop watching it. It’s less than ten minutes in length, but it’s really good with fantastic acting. This level of professionalism and polish is damn rare … Continue reading

Posted in Science Fiction | Tagged | 3 Comments

Juicy Fruit

“Take a good long look,” said the US Marshal next to me as I gazed out the airplane window. “You’ll never see this place again.” Underneath the jacket folded over my arms, I could feel the handcuffs cutting into me. … Continue reading

Posted in General Fiction | Tagged , , , , , | 25 Comments

Rise Of The Sex-Crazed Space Geckos

When contact was lost recently with a Russian spaceship carrying a colony of sex-crazed space geckos, the horny reptiles on board had no idea their internal communications were being recorded by the US National Security Agency (NSA), who of course thought … Continue reading

Posted in Humor & Rants, Science Fiction | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

The Almost Fetishistic Allure of STEAMPUNK

Maybe it’s just me? I never really stopped to consider before what the sub-genre of science fiction known as Steampunk is all about, or why it elicits such a strong emotional response in me. In fact, I wasn’t familiar at … Continue reading

Posted in Thoughts On Writing | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

ScienceNews Magazine Thinks The Onion is Peer-Reviewed

An article appeared this past week on ScienceNews titled “Schadenfreude starts young.” The gist of the article is that being an asshole starts in childhood (Schadenfreude is the pleasure derived in the misfortune of others). Interestingly, the first version of … Continue reading

Posted in Humor & Rants, Science | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Sal’s Pawn & Metal Emporium

I posted a longer version of this story a month ago, here, but I was never satisfied with it. The story works best I think as short flash fiction, so I chopped out the unnecessary material and made a few other … Continue reading

Posted in All The Good Stuff, Science Fiction | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment