Tag Archives: Humor

Trumpocracy

Anybody else remember when Donald Trump played the Secretary of Education in the movie Idiocracy?

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Presidential Hopefuls Demonstrate They Eat Fair Meat Just Like People

I dunno man … eating shitty pork at the Iowa State Fair must be important. Every four years here in the US, our presidential hopefuls head to the Fair and make sure plenty of photos are taken of them touching … Continue reading

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Washington Post Goes High Tech, Atari 2600 Style

I was reading a Washington Post article about the crazy number of police shootings in the US so far this year. It’s a good article, but I kept getting distracted by the groovy high tech graphics that Washington Post is using … Continue reading

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Smoke It Up There, Kid!

Brad could feel Marie’s eyes boring into him like a pair of surgical lasers. Surrounded by children on Brad’s festively decorated and brightly lit porch, Marie stepped close and seethed into his ear: “God damn it, Brad, candy cigarettes are not … Continue reading

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Space Invaders

The wine rack across the bar from me burst into all manner of groovy, swirling colors. “Whoa!” I said. “What do you call this shit again?” “Space Invaders,” said Sal. “The latest in hallucinogenic malware. It’s kind of like LSD, … Continue reading

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Colombian Crotch Fashion

In case anyone has missed it, a Colombian Women’s Cycling Team has been shaking up Europe this week. Apparently that flesh-colored midsection in the photo is actually “gold”. Amusingly, the lighting for this photo casts just a touch of shadow … Continue reading

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They Ain’t Pervs!

“Martin …” “Yes, my little pelvic affiliate? Num num!” Candice pointed to the window. “Shh! Cut it out. I thought I saw something moving out there!” I looked up from Candice’s neck at the window reflected in the bathroom mirror. “Nobody there,” … Continue reading

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Cure For Everything Now Patented!

Got a bat-shit crazy idea? Do you tend to ramble incoherently? Then you need write a patent! No worries — the US patent office will accept anything, no matter how crazy it is. Case in point: US Patent No. 8,609,158 … Continue reading

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It’s Not Ebola, I Swear!

“Oh … my … God!” The rather sexy, bikini-clad woman in the hammock looked down at the glob of goo that had dribbled out of my mouth and then back up to me. “Are you like dying or something?” It … Continue reading

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I Fouwned The Moist Miss Speiled 4um On The InterTOOB!!!

I was browsing around VICE bright and early this morning when I stopped to read this article on the Flat Earth Society. It’s an interview and it’s pretty interesting. Among the things I learned this morning: The Sun and Moon … Continue reading

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Navigate Off Road

“Turn right and continue for two miles.” Bud eyed the dashboard suspiciously. “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” “Recalculating,” purred the strangely erotic feminine voice of the truck. “In zero point three miles, turn left.” “Left?” asked Bud. “I thought … Continue reading

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Invasive Species: Postdocs On A NAKKID Beach

There is a place that devours overly curious postdocs in much the same way that a Venus flytrap devours bugs. It deposits its postdoc victims on a nude beach from which there is seemingly no escape. This is the story … Continue reading

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Kahlúa Says: No Gingerbread for YOU!

Kahlúa responded today to an email query from me regarding this years holiday “limited edition” flavors. Thank you for your feedback Rob! Unfortunately, US won’t relaunch gingerbread this year but some stores might have some left. There will be peppermint mocha and … Continue reading

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The Creeping Slime Mold That Is Spam

Last month, I posted a short story called Sputnik The Alien Spambot. It’s kind of a weird story about an alien probe that lands on Earth and has a bit of a problem with spam. Anyway, it turns out that Sputnik The … Continue reading

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Back In The Day: My HIGHLY LETHAL Latin Class Projects

Yet another asinine “zero tolerance” story caught my eye this morning: A kid in Georgia was suspended for bringing a Nerf gun to school. Fucking hell. Some of the stuff I did when I was a kid back in the … Continue reading

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What the Hell is THAT?

This is my third week participating in Friday Fictioneers — something I started to do as a way to prod myself into writing more. It helps, and it’s a bit of fun. I’m not quite used to the idea of being … Continue reading

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Rise Of The Sex-Crazed Space Geckos

When contact was lost recently with a Russian spaceship carrying a colony of sex-crazed space geckos, the horny reptiles on board had no idea their internal communications were being recorded by the US National Security Agency (NSA), who of course thought … Continue reading

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ScienceNews Magazine Thinks The Onion is Peer-Reviewed

An article appeared this past week on ScienceNews titled “Schadenfreude starts young.” The gist of the article is that being an asshole starts in childhood (Schadenfreude is the pleasure derived in the misfortune of others). Interestingly, the first version of … Continue reading

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Sal’s Pawn & Metal Emporium

I posted a longer version of this story a month ago, here, but I was never satisfied with it. The story works best I think as short flash fiction, so I chopped out the unnecessary material and made a few other … Continue reading

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Three-Pronged Monstrosity

I looked down at the three-pronged monstrosity sticking out of the kid’s mouth. “Where ya’ from, boy?” “Effingham,” he said as he pulled the trident from his mouth and stuck it into a fresh piece of meat. “Effingham!” I repeated, … Continue reading

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